Midnight Rambler (in_thy_bounty) wrote,
Midnight Rambler

Cedric the Humping Hedgehog

"Hello, my name is Cedric", says Sharon on exiting the petrol station, the exaggerated upper-class accent massively exaggerating the nameless man who had been behind us in the queue.
I shook my head. "Cedric is the name of my toy werewolf at work, I think you'll find. Cedric Sausages".
"That's a stupid name", she says. Not like my Cedric... Cedric The Humping Hedgehog".
"Cedric The Humping Hedgehog?!"
She nods enthusiastically. "Mmmhmm."
"Dear Ms Caruana", I say in official tones, "The BBC regrets that it is unable to commission your proposed children's TV series Cedric The Humping Hedgehog."
"He could have a theme tune too." She begins singing.
"He humps all day and he humps all night... when he's not humping he's..."
She pauses, we look at each other and both laugh. When Sharon makes up little songs she displays a strong preference for basic rhymes. We both realise there's a pretty good chance the next line is going to end with "shite". She keeps it unsaid.

At Musselburgh Grammar School there was a popular song called 'Johnnie Had A Budgie'.
"Johnnie had a budgie, a budgie, a budgie", it went. "Johnnie had a budgie, a budgie he had".
The final line gradually rises up and up, all leading up to the final note; "It flew through the day and it flew through the night, and when it came back it was covered in..."
The expectation is for the final note to end the triumphant rise on "SHITE!", but the joke is that it doesn't do that. Instead what happens is that the note drops right back down and the loop begins again at "Johnnie had a budgie..."

We're miles and miles further on, heading up onto the moors, when Sharon adds "Cedric The Humping Hedgehog should have a sidekick... Walter The Wanking Weasel."
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